Something new I plan to do periodically. David's Don'ts, a little bit of wisdom gleaned from a lot of stupid experiences. Today's focus will be on drive through car washes.
It maybe known out there how I like to mountain bike, camp, hike, run, generally anything that can be done outside, I enjoy. This usually equates to a pretty dirty car. Something I can totally handle. A mud-caked vehicle is a badge of achievement, a banner exclaiming to the world, "This is what I like and I do it!" I've been known to leave dirt and muck on my car for months at a time. Apparently, according to the lovely Mrs. McCormick, a dirty car is not the image of a sound mind. I guess she really does know me. Because of her, uh, encouragements, I get my car washed. However, my company car leasing office only pays for those cheap, drive through washing places, not one of the fancy ones that runs the car through, vacuums the insides, and makes you wait in the heat as a man attacks your car with a dirty rag and what I can only hope is not Gatorade in a spray bottle. No, I am relegated to the washing cave, up to the mercies of the machine with no human operator. Yeah, it's like Irobot every time the machine dings for me to stop my car.
Recently, I arrived at the one wash area in Shreveport (I forgot, the drive through car washes are become obsolete, so I have to drive a great distance to find one, eh). A manager of the convenience store was out there running a report. As I pulled up, she said "Make sure you pull you mirrors in, I don't want it to tear off another car's mirror off today. Hmmmm! This I did, only to have the great big brushes push the driver side one back out. In my fear of losing my mirror, I decided it would behoove me to open my window and push it back out. No, no, not a good idea. Even trying to time it so the big brush was behind me, I still manage a deluge of water in my car. But hey at least with the driver side window open for approx 10 secs, I still managed to get a half shower...which was great, I guess, cause my first one was just not good enough, hrrrmpphh. But I did not loose my mirror. So, David Don't number 1, Don't open you window in a drive through car wash. Mark this as a Bad Idea!
Number 2
As some of you may be aware, I have a Saris Bones 3 bike rack on the back of my car. As far as a bike rack goes, I give it a 6 to 7 out of 10. If you look at the back of my car, with no bike on it, the rack looks like the dual pronged fangs of an odd looking bug. I took my car through the car wash, with no bike on the back, but with the rack pointing towards the rear. I paid my money, I drove through till it said stop and I turned off my engine and settled in to wait for the beating and soaping to be done. As the large brushes that surround the car begin to float from front to back a thought enters my mind. On it's return trip, will it get hung up on the rack? I do a good job at making sure the rack is secured tightly to my car, so I was a bit concerned In a last bit of precautions, I start my car, put it in gear and stomp on the brake. Waiting to see what will happen. I have running through my mind the news article that states "Two die in a drive through car wash as the Nomination for the Darwin Awards comes to an close, with these two as winners." Didn't know how I could face the afterlife, I think St Peter would re-die laughing as we hit the pearly gates.
Sure enough as the brushes loudly clang indicating the front to back path is complete and gear up for the back to front wiping of the car we hit a snag. Or I should said the top brush snags on the bike rack. Then the car begins to lift, my eyes get big, Eliz's eyes are wide and an image of the car stuck vertically in the car wash floats in my mind. I ease of the break and the car lurches forward freeing itself from the hook of the top brush. Here's the best part. I don't leave there, I can't I have soap still on my car. I simple back up and let it try again. Same result, I back up again, same result. Einstein said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Color me insane.
Not only did I have to eventually leave the car wash, with my car covered with soap and a new dent in my rear hatch, I took the lady's, who was in line behind me, car wash too. Needless to say she flew around in her Jeep Wrangler with a look of disgust and accusatory idiocy and proceeded to lay into me. I apologized and reimbursed her for her measly $5 car wash, at which point she drove away. But not before telling me I almost ripped the brush off it's track. We drove home, soap caked to the doors and windows, pitied glances from passer-bys, and thankful we weren't hurt...well no more than our pride.
Lesson #2 at the car wash, no bike racks...I know what you're thinking, "well, duh." Now I can confirm it for all. I've since been back, but I play it safe and smart, and I always keep my hand near the gear shift, cause I just can't trust that fully motorized beast that traps me in it's belly under the guise of making things better for me. Learn from my mistakes.
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