Eat Your Heart Out Superman

Procrastination is a virus. Once it starts, it continues to grow and spread infecting every portion of your daily life. Breaking down your regularly scheduled life and replacing it will a tattered, torn shell of what you once had. No longer are you satisfied by the productivity of the day, but replaced are the sleepless nights, tossing and turning as the turmoil of the next day's impending load.

So far, I have been awake, showered, and ready for the day for going on four hours. My accomplishments to this point are: Two cups of coffee, one bowl of cereal, two DVRed shows watched, one phone call, one fax, and two hours (at least) of mindless surfing the net. Is this because of a lack of items on my To-Do list? Of course not, I have just caught the procrastination bug.

Now, first off, as far as work stuff goes, I am on top of all my responsibilities save one. I will not and do not let my affinity for procrastination affect my work...never. But, when it comes to other portions of my life, I find it better to wait until I have to cram it all together in fail swoop of productivity.

My list includes: washing clothes, cleaning the kitchen, doing house work, packing for the weekend, going to the bank, planning dinners, and other menial tasks.

As I stare a rather empty day in the eyes, I find myself shying away from getting involved in lieu of distractions. The top two, TV and Internet. I even stopped in the middle of this post to watch TV, I procrastinated my rant on procrastination...how bad is that. But, I wonder if I am using the correct terminology.

Take for example what I call the TV spin. This "spin" is why some people watch Fox News and other watch CNN. "Spin" is what keeps MTV competing with VH1 and Google.com competing with Ask.com. All these examples share the same information, daunt on the same topics, but the subtleties are what make them different. They call themselves Partisanly Biased or Freshest in Music, or Best Search Engine. But, the difference is minimal. It is all in the interpretation. This is where my biasness of procrastination comes in.

You must take in consideration this definition does not work for everyone. But, I don't look at my afore-mentioned actions as procrastination as much as view it as efficiency. Instead of a gradual process of doing one of the task and then resting, I choose to exert all energies at once, thus expending the least amount of energy for the day. Besides, I feel I am much better at working when the pressure is on. I thrive on it. I have heard it said, "Don't work harder...work smarter." I believe that by surfing the web, watching the tube, and then efficiently knocking out all of the To-Dos at once, I am the example of working smarter. Harnessing energy so as to expend it all at once...that makes me a super hero. Unleashing my energy ray all at once to conquer the antagonist that is dirt, grime, and chores. I think I will call myself DE (Dave Efficiency). Able to do the meaningless task in a single bound, hands of fury slicing and dicing dinner, mindnumbing powers of control to keep the distractions out. Of course there is also my alter ego...Dave the Distracted. Every day people see merely Dave the Distracted, but if you are lucky, if the moon shines bright enough, if you hide in the closet till the room gets too dirty, you might be able to catch a glimse of DE..possible as it is, but difficult as he moves at the speed of washing machine's spin cycle. Now, I just have to think of a costume design. I am thinking something with yellow rubber gloves, and maybe a cape you wear on the front...one that wraps around your neck and waist and will keep the stuff of your clothes (I forget the exact name of it). And I need a mask.

Wow, you would think after a rant like that I would have motivated myself to get some work done, but unfortunately Dave the Distracted is still about and I have made some more coffee in anticipation of the Cosby Show which comes on in a minute. Now, aren't you glad I have wasted your time as well? You have given way to procrastination, as I am sure you have something else you need to get done. Shame on you...but I guess this is just you own special way of becoming a more efficient human being. Good Luck with that.